I met God in the Catholic Church and spent most of my childhood trying to get God to love me. I loved God from afar, like you might love a teacher or your best friend's older brother. I watched God carefully. I studied God, believing the symbols, creeds, and rituals of Catholicism were a code that might reveal how to get God to love me, or at least notice me. The priests preached about the Trinity, but God seemed more like Twins to me, a mean Twin and a nice Twin. The mean Twin loved me conditionally, unpredictably, based on what I did or said or what grades I got or what secret rules I managed to follow or break; the nice Twin loved me like I longed to be loved--unconditionally, abundantly, just for being me. I paid more attention to the mean Twin because he treated me like I was used to being treated.
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